The surgery is booked for November
Well, on November 16 I am back off to hospital again for the shoulder surgery. I like the doctor and I think surgery will ultimately mean I can go to gym, ride a bike and kayak once more. At the same time I am fighting a kind of phobia about surgery.
I think hospitals really smell. The stink is of antiseptic on the top, but under that is the smell of blood. I hate it. Chris went into hospital for minor surgery recently and I couldn't leave the hospital because I don't trust any of the personnel. I went there for 3 days and was constantly fighting my fear and nausea. I feel that hospital is the last place you would leave someone alone. Patients are totally at the mercy of tired, overworked people, who don't see you as a person but do see you as a source of income. Actually, I think the way I feel isn't really fair to various personnel at hospitals. But feeling aren't about being fair.
I am also going to rehab now. I go to speech therapy twice a week and see the neuropsychologist weekly. I need to sort out what is happening with my regular shrink because, apparently, if I don't see him for a few weeks, the TAC think I don't need him any more and I have to make a whole new case for the visits. Sigh...
On the up side, rehab is providing me with access to heaps of strategies for my thesis. I am frightened of public speaking now (the whole speech/memory thing) and so I will do some mini-talks there. We will start with easy, small ones. The therapist will comment on my presentation and we will develop strategies to support me in the future. I need the help, because speaking is tiring, as is thinking on my feet. I can't speak, process and respond to issues like I used to.
Its all a pain, but I realised last night that only 1 more roll of the car would have completely broken the nerves going up the spine (as well as the bone) and so I would have died. Sandy would have died too, because 1 more roll and the damage to his brain and neck would have been too acute. We would have died instantly, but poor Nina would have been left all alone with dead parents, both at the accident and thereafter. Life after the accident is a pain, but I guess the alternative is worse.
I think hospitals really smell. The stink is of antiseptic on the top, but under that is the smell of blood. I hate it. Chris went into hospital for minor surgery recently and I couldn't leave the hospital because I don't trust any of the personnel. I went there for 3 days and was constantly fighting my fear and nausea. I feel that hospital is the last place you would leave someone alone. Patients are totally at the mercy of tired, overworked people, who don't see you as a person but do see you as a source of income. Actually, I think the way I feel isn't really fair to various personnel at hospitals. But feeling aren't about being fair.
I am also going to rehab now. I go to speech therapy twice a week and see the neuropsychologist weekly. I need to sort out what is happening with my regular shrink because, apparently, if I don't see him for a few weeks, the TAC think I don't need him any more and I have to make a whole new case for the visits. Sigh...
On the up side, rehab is providing me with access to heaps of strategies for my thesis. I am frightened of public speaking now (the whole speech/memory thing) and so I will do some mini-talks there. We will start with easy, small ones. The therapist will comment on my presentation and we will develop strategies to support me in the future. I need the help, because speaking is tiring, as is thinking on my feet. I can't speak, process and respond to issues like I used to.
Its all a pain, but I realised last night that only 1 more roll of the car would have completely broken the nerves going up the spine (as well as the bone) and so I would have died. Sandy would have died too, because 1 more roll and the damage to his brain and neck would have been too acute. We would have died instantly, but poor Nina would have been left all alone with dead parents, both at the accident and thereafter. Life after the accident is a pain, but I guess the alternative is worse.
posted by Juanita at 12:36 AM
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