It feels like there is no time, but its not true

It feels like I have no time to write this right now because there are so many other things I have to do for work and home. At the same time I think, why rush? I won't get a prize for not taking time out to do the things I want to do, so this is a compromise. I am writing half of what I'd like and when I have more time I will write the stuff about working with a neck brace because I find it fascinating to watch myself go.

Last week I had a another cat scan but I wont to see my specialist until tomorrow. I couldn't stand the thought of my brace if I didn't need it, so I phoned and asked whether he would check the scan and see whether I could remove it. He left a message to say I was moderately recovered and could remove the brace for short periods except when traveling or walking around. I do do as he asked when traveling and walking and I also wear the brace gardening and exercising- the strenuous stuff. I try not to turn my neck much either. But I have to admit I never wear it at any other time. I will confess that tomorrow, as I hope I am not doing damage, but all my neck brace ever did was help me support my neck and prevent me from turning. I hope everything is OK because my superstitious self is sure I am hurting the break by not wearing the brace often enough. I think I am a push me-pull you. I want everything.... Sigh... Not to wear the brace and to be OK at the same time.

Last weekend I went to a wedding and wore the brace when standing or walking. But I also wore high heels- not that they were very high, but they were high-ish. I was really careful when they were on, but I probably ought not have done it I guess. I felt great though!

I also felt the water on my neck for the first time in four months when in the shower last week. It was delicious, not to mention the sun on my neck last week too. I looked in the mirror and I had a chin at last! I loved last week and I don't care if my muscles hurt. I think the pain in my neck is my muscles and not my break, but I'll ask the doctor tomorrow.

I love not wearing the brace, sweaty, yucky, thing it is.. And it hurts too. But its way better than permanent injury and so I have resolved to be a bit grown up when I have to wear it.

I will find out tomorrow whether I am having an operation on the 4th May, but more of that later. For now, I have a neck!