Thanks for my head :)

I have just finished washing my hair and began thinking about the Nurses at Adelaide- 1 in particular. Every morning the one with the loud voice would often scrub my hair. She got rid of every single scab and every single suture. She got rid of all the icky stuff and would often use conditioner and a comb to clean me up. My head was icky and wet, cos I can remember feeling it. She used to clean everything up so that over a couple of weeks my head and scar were drying up. I am so grateful to her now as I wash my scarred, but normal feeling, hair and scalp. Thanks Nurse, I wish I could remember your name to write and say thank you ... actually I will write to thank the Matron and the Nurse who cleaned my hair- it must have been an icky job and she was fabulous.

In Melbourne they said they would, but like everything else they promised to do, they didn't.

Sandy before the crash 

Diary Chapter 6

The night before we were due to fly out, the Social Worker was finally able to confirm our departure. She said a Carer would help us, not a Nurse each as had previously been promised. She also asked about my pain when sitting as they had arranged for us to join a commercial flight. I was shocked and explained how I hadn’t been consulted and about my back pain. Mum and Stef tried to support me. The Social Worker seemed horrified to discover I had never been asked about the flights. She said we could cancel and arrange another flight, but she knew we couldn’t do it. It would have meant another few days in Adelaide for everyone, including me. I was just going to have to cope with the pain.

The Social Worker suggested lots of stances to help me through, but I think my nerves showed. Plus I was quite open about feeling a bit scared of the flight. She spoke to the Matron and they suggested a pain killer regime to see me through and I agreed. Actually the Matron arranged for me to take pain killers from midnight of the evening before the flight.

I was amazingly dopey when I woke on Thursday 13 January 2005. The hospital fed and bathed Sandy first. Stef was busy taking Mum and Nina to the airport and driving to Melbourne himself. It felt really weird getting into normal jeans and clothes again. Given the brace and arm thingo, I felt quite human again. One of the Nurses made a comment about how different we looked as people rather than as patients- which was nice, even if she didn’t mean it.

Our Carer, arrived before I could read the morning paper. He was very gentle and very nice. He brushed my hair very softly and helped me to tie it in a scarf so no-one could see the shaven parts of my head. I introduced him to Sandy and then we talked for a while.

He was a Reiki master and carer of about 60 years of age. He’d had a pretty colourful past including work as a bouncer. He’d also had several accidents on a variety of vehicles. He told me about himself while I/we got ready. He put my shoes on too!

Only when I was dressed did I realise how tiny I was. In hospital I weighed about 7 kilos less than before the accident. I was at least a size smaller- how annoying. Sandy was smaller too, but not a little thing like me.

Finally a male Nurse, the Social Worker, the Carer, Sandy and I were ready to leave Adelaide hospital. We went down to reception and the Social Worker rang a cab. The Nurse said goodbye while we waited. He was pretty sweet to come down with us.

Around 15 minutes later we got to Adelaide airport. Even though everyone stared like crazy, we didn’t care. Besides, we must have looked nuts in our neck braces, arm thingos and shuffling walk. The Carer didn’t seem to mind and really, neither did we. It felt lovely to be part pf humanity at Adelaide airport.

At the metal detector, I was beeped due to my bangles. They asked if I could take them off. I answered that the emergency room hadn’t been able to, so I doubted I could. They ran a scanner over me and let me through. The Carer, on the other hand, had needed to remove his belt, his shoe and show a metal leg. What a palaver. It took a few minutes to find our departure lounge and then we just waited. We were around an hour early.

I loved the people, the smells, the children, and the hubbub. Finally we were called at around midday. The air stewards used a kind of lift on a truck, called a people mover, to load us in. We were welcomed and seated around 8 rows from the front.

The flight was pretty uneventful. The Carer chatted throughout and he showed me some new exercises to do with my feet. My spine ached. The landing was very turbulent and I broke into a cold sweat. The Carer chatted to me throughout and I tried to think about things other than crashing. It was a bit longer than I expected, but OK. Finally we landed and were escorted to a waiting Ivanhoe Manor ambulance at Melbourne Airport.

After being loaded inside, both Sandy and I managed to tell each other how glad we were to see the Tullamarine Freeway while we dozed out way to Ivanhoe Manor. The ambulance drivers said it was nice there.

At Ivanhoe Manor, the three of us were dropped off by the Ambulance Drivers. The Nurses escorted Sandy and I to the room, while our Carer nicked out for his first cigarette of the day. He left at about 3 pm, after providing what relief he could through Reiki.

Once he had gone Sandy and I just looked at each other. Yes we were in Melbourne, but the Rehabilitation Centre was not what we expected. Most of the inmates seemed to smoke and the smell wafted inside through open windows. The place smelled of stale urine and tobacco. There were dark stains all over the grey carpet floor. The room was once nice, but now was dingy and really worn out. There were stains on the cupboards, the bedside and walls. Cupboards were broken and could not be used. No-one fed us any lunch at all, even though we had eaten nothing for several hours.

Taken from http://www.rah.sa.gov.au/homepage.php. We are on the 5th floor of the grey tower building. 

Diary Chapter 5

I find the period between the accident on the 27 December and the move to Melbourne on the 13 January 2005 a blur. The events are correct but some of the timelines are wrong! I think I may have been a little more brain damaged than I had thought.

By the end of the first week in January, Adelaide hospital had decided that I no longer required their assistance. Sandy still did. He was asked to sign onto the SA TAC, which is a fault-based system. He refused to sue me or to authorise anyone to sue me until he understood what was happening. Thank heavens he spoke to Stef, who advised him that Victoria had a “no fault” TAC and that we could go with the police report. The police had argued that the accident was no-one's fault; it was simply an “Act of God”.

In fact we had to thank heaven for Stef and Mum several times. People didn't understand that we, especially Sandy, were brain damaged, and could not consent to anything. Even if they obtained our consent, it was illegal because of the state of our heads. We didn't know or remember about anything we had signed. What is more, Sandy could tell us nothing of what the Doctor's were telling him.

Health is divided into discrete areas and they don't seem to understand each other. The spinal unit doesn't talk to the brain trauma unit. There was no communication at all. But if our brains weren't assessed, how could people assume consent given our injuries?

Mum and Stef constantly saw Doctors and Nurses to sort this out. The Doctors' expected our consent to hold- what idiots they were. When they sent Sandy to optometrist's office, no-one in a position of consent was sent with him and he remembered nothing. We did not understand what was wrong with his eye and were never able to get him or clinicians to tell anyone with the authority to consent to make sense of it.

Even when they sent us home, the pilot coordinator decided to ignore the consenting adults (Mum and Saara), he went straight to brain damaged Sandy to make the decision. He never even bothered to ask me, even though commercial flights caused me pain due to a clipped vertebrae. The Matron caused him to pause, but he took every question from a consenting adult as an affront to his authority, as all health officials did.

What the hell happened to informed consent!

Thank God for Stef, backed up by Mum, backed up by Saara, backed up by me. In the end, Sandy and I gave our power of consent to Stef, so no one could say we had given consent. At a practical level, Stef and Mum used to follow the Doctor's around the ward from 8 am so they'd be informed. The poor things, how hard should consent be?

Stef organised everything. He consulted with the Social Worker (who could often have made it easier, but volunteered nothing). He worked through the TAC papers and then would liaise with the Matron for what he needed. Even after he and the Matron had said what they needed to, they spent till the seventh of January sorting stuff out. Between the TAC, Matron, and Ivanhoe (Victoria), it was another six days before the pilot and Qantas could be sorted to send us back to Melbourne. That is six days by two people, equalling twelve days, by however much the Adelaide hospital charged, of unnecessary money that taxpayers had to foot the bill for. And still our poor brain trauma had to wait.

Everyone in Adelaide was nice, but that last week in Adelaide was the pits. I was moved out of a shared spinal ward and shoved into a single room with the Chinese guy who could not speak English. At least the TV finally worked and Sandy sat next to me and held my hand when he could. Nina was getting more and more restless in Adelaide. They were so bored and so were we! Six days doesn't sound like much but 140 slow, slow, hours are such a drag.

The day is marked off by meals, washes and the night time TV shows. Visitors marked the day between 11 and 2ish. Poor things, they were so bored in Adelaide, I felt so sorry for them and so grateful for them too. They saw to our move between states and did everything else for us too.

After I had settled out of the ward and into the room with the Chinese guy, they came in one night at around 8 pm and moved me right down the other end with a Russian lady and no privacy. I was too stonkered by medication to complain. I have no idea why they moved me, though they shhh-ed me and hurried me down to the end. Maybe they thought it was better. The Russian lady snored worse than the Chinese man and she gossiped too. Her voice was a high pitched whine and she was extremely annoying to me. What is more, there was absolutely no TV here at all and I was forced to read newspapers and magazines from the waiting room instead.

While here, a Consultant came around with the doctors (and Mum and Stef in tow). I took the opportunity to ask about my arm. I was having it X-rayed when the Pilot Coordinator was supposed to decide the way home came around. It was while on the wheel chair to X-Ray that I realised my back was really damaged. The chair and X-ray were the most excruciating pain I have ever felt. The Pilot Coordinator, who was to see me before he decided about our mode of transport to Victoria, was supposed to see me after R-ray. Would he choose the Flying Doctor service, where I would be lying all the time and our brain injuries would be protected, or a domestic airline, which I thought would cause excruciating agony and might hurt Sandy’s brain? The Matron argued for the Flying Doctor I believe. The Flight Coordinator never came back to me. Sandy had told him (in the face of protestations by my Mum and Saara about Sandy's competence) that the commercial service was fine. When Mum and Saara had left, he came back when no family members were around to talk Sandy into agreeing to fly home on a commercial flight. So that was the way the Coordinator got us to fly home using the worst means of transport for us (and cheapest for them). Once more, the opinion of a brain damaged man was given higher credence than the opinions of people with the right of consent (Stef and I) or my pain and Sandy’s health problems. Sandy kept arguing with me about the flight as if both my pain and his head were trivial. Apparently, the commercial flight was quicker and smoother in Sandy’s opinion. My pain and his health didn’t matter to anyone at all except Mum, Saara and Stef…. and maybe the Matron. I would have felt pretty low but I had another win that day. The Social Worker announced she would council Nina.

That lunchtime, before I was X-rayed, she took Nina for about an hour. Ay the end, Nina felt fabulous. She discussed school, the accident, zombies (me and San), the rescue and the accident. She loved it and I felt great that she had unburdened herself. She was smiling from ear to ear.

Saara was a bit sad that day for a few reasons. Firstly, she couldn’t take us to the canteen as she’d have liked to because there were no wheelchairs to use. Secondly, I had had a bad day. I was tired and probably was set back a bit. Finally, she needed to return to Melbourne that afternoon and she missed everyone so much. But she just had to take care of business and she had an interview the next day. We sent her with love and our best wishes.

We were finally organised, but no, there was one last thing to sort out- the airline. By Wednesday 12 January, they had minders, TAC numbers, modes of transport and paperwork all organised. However no-one had told the airline about us and that delayed us another 24 hours. I was amazed, even though at another level, I recognised that these people were just doing jobs and didn’t realise how vital they were to us. The hospital Social Worker told me about the airline mix up, which consisted of wrong fax numbers and no-one to tell relevant people when faxes weren’t received. Nina was so sad she could not return to Melbourne yet and so were we.

During everything, Stef, the TAC, the Social Worker and the Matron were in constant contact. Stef was the core person. I’m so glad he took on this role as I was in no state to do it.

It’s actually quite interesting. Sandy seemed to combine joking around with sleeping and holding my hand. I focused on the news, either in the paper or on TV (when it was available). I watched the news about the Tsunami most closely. We had only just heard about it in Port Augusta before the accident. I was fascinated by the news and would read/watch it all night. I think I was interested by the stories of personal survival and death most.

I suppose their survival seemed as miraculous as ours and it was another way to pass the time. During this stage I also suffered from a lot of fantasies. Once I believed I was on the first floor of Flinders Street, even though I was still in the Spinal Ward at Adelaide. I thought I had to jump off a box and down an elevator to be found. By the time I had reached the corner of my bed, my head was so heavy that I kind of realised something was wrong. I called out and a nurse rescued me and my poor neck. She asked me to specify where I was. I said either in Adelaide hospital or in Flinders Street, Melbourne. She asked me to choose and I chose Adelaide.

As usual, she asked me to specify a pain level from 1 to 10. As usual I said 4 or so, but it isn’t true. I felt cold pain, but never something I could put on a 1 to 10 scale. I tried to explain, but they didn’t listen. From that time I always answered that my pain was around 4.

The next night I caught myself climbing out of bed believing I was in an art gallery. This time I stopped myself before any real harm was done to my neck.
No-one would say whether I had done any damage to myself by my fantasies. Maybe I did or maybe I did not was all they’d say.

The next day I chatted to Sandy. He had given up pain killers very early on, including morphine, because they made no difference. His head aches were excruciating. I thought about what he said. I had to work out what reality was, so I chose a curtain. If I could see that I was in hospital in Adelaide regardless of what my brain said. Its hard to see what other people do but to interpret it differently in your head.

I also refused morphine from that night. My delusions stopped. This was during our first week in the spinal ward. Shortly after I finished with the Chinese guy, say the second week, I also the stopped the Panadeine Forte because the TV put me to sleep (except twice at night) and I had no real pain. Once I joined the Russian lady, I felt the pain again and was once more using Panadeine Forte but only twice, at night, to help me nurse my arm through. It still hurts in the wrist, the elbow, the bicep and the shoulder.

When I stopped to think about it, It was so hard to believe that one day we had set off for a holiday and then we ended up in the Emergency Wards of a hospital. It seemed so unfair. It wasn't really unfair though when you think about it. All we lost is a holiday and some time and pain. Anything could have happened, like the people involved in the tsunami. We were lucky all right even if it did cost us and we were about 15 minuted from our destination.

The Russian lady left during the fires in SA and I took her bed. She had a TV and I was so happy.

The only way I understood that the TAC had accepted our claim was when they plonked down the Adelaide newspaper over the last 3 days. This was because we were private TAC patients.

The food was vomitious and I barely ate a thing. Everything- main courses, fruit, yoghurt and noodles tasted sweet. I don’t think I ever tasted such foul food in my entire life. I still can’t eat yoghurt (unless its Greek) or a compote of fruit. They are just way too sweet. Mum and Stef went to the market to get us rice paper rolls for dinner a couple of times… YUMMMMMMMM.

Sarah and Edwin came every second night with lollies. They were gorgeous and Edwin never looked bored, poor bloke. I was always glad to see them and glad of the chat.

The idea of private patients in the Adelaide hospital was a joke. A flipping morning newspaper was the only difference. There was no alteration to anything else, including access to TVs. What is more, the TVs only picked up commercial TV- I trained one in the Russian lady's bed to pick up the ABC. There was absolutely no luck with SBS. I didn’t care a hoot about commercial TV, those stations weren’t relevant at all.

It’s really funny I am throwing things into this now where I think it all fits in rather than sticking to a story motif. I may have missed stuff or people here or there. For instance, if it were not for Saara I would have no head scarf and no cosmetics at all. Bless her heart for all of them and also, the pedicures. They were so important and made me feel female, not simply human. Secondly, the night nurses were fabulous. Finally, thanks to the Matron, who really took her work seriously. She worked so hard every single time I had anything to do with her.

Front of car after accident

Back of car after accident 

Diary Chapter 4

By the second week, they were allowing me to go to the loo with only a single companion. Each day, they commented on how much more quickly I walked and attributed this to gym. At some stage during the second week, they decided that I was pretty fine to leave. Sandy on the other hand, had fairly significant brain damage, which especially affected his right eye. He had constant double vision, and he always had to cover an eye in order to see. He was still playing games with the medical staff though.

Early in the New Year, Stef and Chris hired a car to drive to Whyalla and check out the accident site. The photos they took are horrendous. Apparently on the way to Whyalla, a road train had been overturned by the wind, just like us. When they got there, some of our stuff was missing! It must have been stolen from the police tape area or compound.

I was gutted and between them Mum and Sandy tried to help me. Mum bought phone card after phone card so I could check account balances. Sandy had phone numbers and the details of his own accounts. I spent around 2 hours on the phone, wracking my brains for the details of our accounts. What was the s.1, s.1.1, s.2, s.3 etc. When had we used them last? Had anyone stolen from them?

In the end I cancelled everything. I thought some money had been stolen, but I also knew we had transferred some. I told Mum and Stef that I thought money was stolen but couldn't be certain. By the next morning I had slept on it and thought about it and realized I was wrong. Our last transaction was for about $190 in Port Augusta. Everything else was just an internal move. The next morning, I rang the banks for balances again and was very happy with the information I received.

Saara was a blooming hero during this time. She cuddles Nina at night and loved her and listened to her. I think they bonded during this period in a way they probably have never done before. In fact, all three of the children did the same thing. It was lovely to see Saara and Chris re-establish their sibling relationship. I think Saara finally realized that Chris is quiet and he sometimes seems aloof but that is because he keeps his thoughts and feelings (which are very deep) to himself. This is because he doesn't want to burden anyone with them and he doesn't want to indulge them. I love them all very much- I have raised 3 complete individuals!

Chris went home for New Year's Eve and I am so glad he did. The world did not just end because we had been injured. Also, we would recover and he would never be 22 again! He asked me whether I understood that he could go home and still love us. Of course I could, and I encouraged him to go.

The family tried to keep the week full while we healed. They went to the Zoo and Botanic Gardens. The children were mostly kept out of our way, poor babies. They watched TV in the waiting room. Eventually Jo, Damien, and the girls left. I was glad for Jo that that they did. The strain of caring for us while fulfilling their family responsibilities must have been enormous. Jo and Damien stayed at a hotel in North Adelaide. Mum and everyone else stayed in a kind of boarding house near the Adelaide Children's Hospital- OK but pretty dull I bet.

Dad left for Melbourne before Jo, but I do not remember when. It was before my parents' their wedding anniversary though. He took care of the garden, fielded phone calls and took care of home stuff, while Mum stayed in Adelaide. By the end of the first week or so in Adelaide, we were down to Mum, Stef, Nina, Saara and Chris.

Most of the scabs on my left arm were down and my resemblance to a sausage had lessened a bit. I looked in the mirror and I was so ugly. But Sandy still behaved as if I was cute and at least I had that!

In the SA desert, where the car ended up on its roof. 

Diary Chapter 3

When I was in bed I felt my injuries. I must have looked like Gumby with stitches. When I raised my arms and hands, both of them were covered in sores and scabs. My right hand was by far the worst. It was discoloured, scabbed, and looked pretty swollen. It was around four or five times its normal size. It also looked very bruised. My ring was missing and it has never turn up. My right hand and arm was also very much darker than my left hand and arm.

I have big seatbelt burns across the right thigh. There are at least three of them. I also have seatbelt burns across my neck and chest.

I felt my neck and was shocked to be told I had broken it and must wear the brace for six weeks! In my head we would be okay to continue our holiday in a week or two! (I think I told Nina this too!!)

Up around my my hairline I could feel my head had been shaved and I had several stitches. There were cuts right across the front of my skull, going about one third or so, right across to the back of my ear. I had bits of desert bush/shrub, full of the needles, in my hair. I was amazed.

My earrings were gone, one of each pair of the gold ones. There was a swollen ridge on the right side of my face that went down past my ear. I was fascinated by how big the ridge of scar tissue or swelling was, and ran my finger down it every day. This was to measure my recovery. In my mind, once it had gone, I would be fine again.

Sandy's face was full of contusions (sores?). There was one on each of his eyes and several across his skull. He was really swollen and red around the head. Even when he couldn't talk, he put his arm out to touch Nina. He cracked jokes non-stop and always took off his neck brace if he could. One night, I heard him get out of bed and crash onto the floor. His head seemed to crack. I heard the Nurses ask why, and he said he had forgotten his neck was broken. He had just got out of bed as usual, then his break had landed him on the floor.

Sandy always tried to go to the toilet unaccompanied, and he accused the hospital staff of hiding weekends (3 thus far) and conspiring against him in some way. He often winked at me, as if there was a joke we shared. He meant to say that we weren't really sick, but the staff thought we were. All I could really do was cope with myself during this time and argue a bit with Sandy's logic.

The first real person I remember seeing over my bed was Mum. I think she has been there all my life. She was kissing me and telling me things that didn't make much sense. I think Rob was beside me on my unscarred side and telling me that I was lucky to be alive. They both said my scarring would be hidden by my hair. (I think they were lying then, but more of this later).

At some stage, to my utter amazement, Dad, Joanne, Stef, Chris, Saara, and Joanne and her 3 girls were there too! They had flown over from Melbourne and Brisbane. Nina was also there, but she was busy watching a movie in the waiting room, so she didn't see me then. I could not believe it, everyone was in Adelaide, wow we must be really sick! We were also really loved, and you can't get any better than that in life, I reckon.

Mum explained that Nina had helped the Ambulance Officers. The driver of the car we trailled (from Ballarat) had seen us turn over. He called Nina out through the back of the Ute. He showed her how to use the roof rack structure as a tunnel out, since the car was flattened. We had ended up turned upside down.

Once she climbed out, they heard me moan and cut me out. Truck and other car drivers then arrived and couldn't contact the ambulance by mobile phone or by CB radio. Drivers went to the next town to ring for an ambulance to tend us. Nina told everyone our names and addresses, the next of kin and allergy information. She helped them help us.

Nina had then returned to Whyalla hospital at some point, and after assisting them our prognosis was delivered to her. She accepted her own treatment. She also rang Mum in Melbourne. Apparently, she spoke for about an hour to Mum about the accident. She started off by saying she was okay, and so we. She spoke so much that my Dad laughed.

Mum said her mind kind of divided into two. Her maternal parts were shut off, while she thought about what she had to do. She contacted both Saara and Chris, though Chris took two phone calls. Saara, poor baby, thought she had lost us and had to hang up. When she phoned back, she got given the full story, thank heavens. Mum also told Jo and Stef. She organised her's and Dad's flight to Adelaide. She had told Nina, not to worry, that she'd be there. I don't know how Mum found the strength to tell so many people. It must have been among the most difficult things she has ever done. To me, she was soothing and loving through all.

She then described my injuries to me, from the scabs on my hands to tactful descriptions of the swelling around my head and neck. Apparently, my ear had almost disappeared, and I had nearly lost my neck and skull pretty completely. My earrings were gone.

She told me that it was okay to sleep, but I wanted to prove I was okay for some reason. They told me later, I spoke through gritted teeth and seemed to look at nothing, though I always saw them. Robbie comforted me again by pointing out that all my scarring was hidden by my hair.

Stef presented himself at some stage and said we were not to worry, that he would take care of all financial staff, including the Victorian and South Australian TAC commissions and insurance.

They described how the accident had been reported as an Act of God by the police, which was nice.

Over the next few days, everyone spent time with us. It was lovely. Saara did my nails. Jo spoke very lovingly to us. It was she who had to tell Sandy his Mum had died a few years ago when he wondered why she wasn't there. Poor Jo. In the meantime, she cared for the three girls. Chris tried to pop in and be as helpful and cheerful as he could. He always came when no one else did. He thought that a his lack of presence meant we didn't know that he loved us, but we did. And he and Stef did the returned to the accident scene and the police to get our stuff. Nina hugged Sandy heaps and reassured me a great deal.

The week was a blur of medication and people. Damien turned up at some stage too. Sandy was bad and everyone was great.

Some sad news and some good news

Today was Uncle Mackie's funeral and we are so sorry to lose him and not be able to say good bye. I'm glad his funeral today went well and I wish we could be there to support everyone. He was a gorgeous man. It is all very sad really.

On the other hand, Sandy went to see the plastic surgeon today. He is going to soften Sandy' skin before trying to remove the last suture from his skull, which will be a nice bit of progress.

I have to have a catscan on my shoulder next week. My wrist was x-rayed yesterday because it may be damaged. The specialist believes my shoulder is frozen and he also needs to decide what to do with the fragment of bone there. I'll talk to him next week about this. So far, he has given me some physio to do and warned me the whole thing will be painful, depressing and will take a long time. I am glad he was such a straight shooter, at least I know what to expect.

I saw my neck guy today and was so excited. I thought I would need a new metal brace for another 12 weeks starting whenever he could fit me into hopsital to attach the brace to my skull because I had been poorly diagnosed previously. It's the standard treatment for my C2 break. But he said the break was stable and I was a sensible girl. He also said that I would need to keep my Philadelphia brace on for another 4 to 10 weeks, followed by 4 weeks of a soft brace because my muscles will be weak. I felt so happy that although I asked more questions, the voice saying i could keep this brace rang out in my head. I felt fabulous and Sandy was gorgeous too. I finally believe an end is really in sight. Woohoo!

Injured Nina coming home from hospital 

Diary Chapter 2

We were at Adelaide hospital on the morning of the 28 Dec 2004. I don't really have much awareness of it. All I remember, is the spinal ward itself. There were curtains around my bed and I was dosed up with Panamax and Morphine. There was a permanent injection hole for the morphine "glad wrapped" to my arm.

I know the room with dark, dingy and old-fashioned. The around eight or ten of us to a room and between Sandy and I was an elderly lady, who said she was 85 years old. They told me that Sandy was a bed apart so we'd get along.

I hated that ward. It was airless and dark. This seemed to be very few windows, or if there were windows , they were behind our beds. In a row in front of our beds were the offices of the medical and nursing staff. There were also storage places and wardrobe for medication. The presence of the staff didn't cheer the room up a little bit. It was dark and dreary.

The staff at the hospital may have been okay people, but they spoke extremely loudly. I wondered whether they were used to speaking to hearing impaired people or very old people. Each conversation with them led to a headache. The male staff seemed audible but not loud. I'm not sure whether they were more efficient, though they seemed it.

I had no interest in whether a women or men saw me naked. I just simply didn't care at all. What is more, they touch you like a piece of meat at the butchers and didn't care whether they were touching the genitals or the arm. It's pretty disconcerting, though, I guess it's useful for the patient - there is absolutely no point in embarrassment. Every few hours, or whenever you asked, they dropped another Morphine or Panamax into you for pain. I didn't care which they gave me, since the inevitable result of medication was oblivion and all I sought at that stage was oblivion.

I hated my neck collar and using the loo. Inevitably, someone had pee'd on the floor and the nurses who guided me had to put stuff on the floor to walk on. But also hated that the was only one shower for the entire spinal ward, and that there was always pee on the floor. I hate pee on the floor, its depressing.

Sometimes the ward was only 10 or so, but sometimes it was 18 or 19. They would start bathing you at 8 a.m. after breakfast, and continue ,one at a time, until 11 or even 12 PM. Some of the bather's had broken a neck and with the right neck brace could be walked down to the shower. Others had broken their backs and could only go for a shower on mattress type things. It was absolutely so dreary and distressing. I fetl so sorry for the nursing staff.

Also, some of the beds had TVs and some didn't. It was just you and your luck. My bed had no TV. Sandy had a TV but the range of channels it showed were very limited. Most TVs did Channel 10, seven and/or nine. Most did not do Channels two or SBS. Ewwwww.

From the very start, I could never sleep between about 9.30 pm and 3.30 am. What a dreary, long, time it felt. It was full of nothing as I stared into the darkness. Full of nothing, the clock would bloody never turn round. All I could think of were drugs.

The doctors at the hospital would come round to patients, mouth a few platitudes and we were expected to quietly acquiesce to their greatness. One doctor was OK, but he left after the Christmas holidays. I told him how, when I lifted my arm as instructed, my right arm hurt like hell. He went back to my X-Rays and found that I actually had a broken shoulder. He finally told the others and then they stopped asking me to use my arm to lift myself and made me a safety-pinned together harness to protect my arm. The sling hurt my bicep, but at least they didn't ask me to use it any more.

Most of the doctors followed each other around. We would have discussions whereby I asked questions about Sandy and I as their rounds occurred every morning between 8.30 and 9.00, when they visited us. I discussed the fact that I could no longer retain information in the way that I had before and this was noted in the file.

One evening I asked a male nurse when we would be returned to Melbourne. This was after a visiting social worker had assessed Sandy as quite badly injured brain-wise. She also thought that although I had escaped her test, I might also be brain damaged. She told me she had put her notes into Sandy's patient file and that she thought we should return to Melbourne in an ambulance designed to cater for our brain illness. It seems that the ward was only set up for spinal injuries and not the gamut of wounds, including the brain injury and broken limbs that we had displayed. That night I asked the consulting doctor how we might be returned home. I made a case for both Sandy and I to be returned by Flying Doctor or something else because the impact of returning to Melbourne might injure our brains, at least until we were assessed. He replied that the hospital had done what they were required to do by law by restoring our lives and that the tax payers of South Australia owed us no further obligation. He said that I would be released on my own in a few days and that when Sandy was ready, we would be booked on a commercial flight to Melbourne. The only answer to this was that I would take it up with the Social Worker in the morning. I felt very alone even though my family was in South Australia, because they couldn't be there all the time. I knew then I had to fight for both Sandy and I.

When I spoke to Sandy the next morning, he continued to believe that the nurses and doctors were our enemy. He felt that they should be fought on every level, from neck guards to accompanying us to the toilet and showers. When I spoke to him he said he felt fine and would be able to be released into the community at any time. This simply wasn't true. He also thought they hid weekends and that we had videos of my grandfather turning garden refuse into gold. He was fine most of the time, but like me, he was clearly fantasising at times too.

I told him that I needed to make arrangements for both of us and that in my view he was brain damaged. I also said I thought he was in worse condition than I was. He winked at me, ginned and continued to make "funny" suggestions. I told him that this behavior was fine, but that I had to make arrangements for the two of us, regardless of how he felt.

I didn't see the Social Worker for the next day or two. Before I continue though, I want to talk about my family in chapter 3, who were absolutely fabulous, and to provide some further detail about our injuries.

Lots of waiting

Well we are doing lots of waiting for stuff. Waiting for appointments, waiting for Doctors, waiting for shopping, and waiting to see what will happen about my broken neck and arm. Lots of waiting. For people who used to drive, waiting doesn't come easily.

One of the things we are waiting for is the capacity to show more pictures on this blogg. Once we are taken somewhere where there is a photo developer, I'll get some pictures loaded onto CD and then upload them here. They are mostly pics of the car. One is of Nina being released from hospital and another shows me wearing a brace.

Sandy starts school tomorrow. I am so hopeful that things go his way. he will have to take public transport and worries me a little too. But this neck brace is off now and only his eye patch shows. The day is only a half a day so it might be a nice measure of how he will go for him. It will als be nice for him to see his friends I hope.

Me 

Diary Chapter 1

I'm not certain where to start. I suppose the start is the best since at some stage I hope to use the whole experience for my dissertation.

Before I go into everything though, it's probably better if I summarised where we are at physically. I have lacerations of the scalp and my neck is broken. My right arm is broken, and I have marks on my shoulders and legs from the seatbelt. I'm pretty much OK now and getting stronger every day.

Nina, who was conscious for the accident, has a broken right arm, just above the wrist. The ligament in her ankle was torn too. She is being cared for on a daily basis by Mum and Dad. Nina is physically OK, so I hope the same is true for her thoughts.

Sandy is the worse injured of all of us. He has broken his spine in 2 places (like me). He punctured a lung with his rib, his shoulder is broken, and he has the most brain damage. Behind his right eye is both the back of the eye and his brain. He sees two different distances from the eyes, one from his left and one from his right. He also has lacerations of the scalp, one of which looks quite severe.

I think it will take at least one month before they know how best to deal with his eye. At its worst, they will need to open up the skin and kind of screw his scalp back together again. At its best, the swelling will shrink, and his sight will return to normal.

The most difficult thing about his swelling brain is how does one measure damage? Apparently, the more one is conscious of the accident, the less brain damage one has suffered. Nina remembers it well, the car rolling and what we said. She remembers checking out our eyes to ensure that they stayed shut. It seems I had told her that dead people's eyes stayed open. If the eyes stayed open, then this meant we weren't alive. Luckily, our eyes stayed tightly closed. She was bathed in our blood, hanging upside down in the Ute in the middle of the South Australian outback. A motorist from from our front waved her out through the back of the Ute. She climed out using the doona and then they both heard me - I think I was mumbling and/or calling her name. They cut me out of the car, but left Sandy, who was unconscious, hanging there until the ambulance came.

The motorist was from Ballarat in Victoria, and carried his wife and two girls slightly older than Nina (sisters?). The girls cuddled her and the motorist waved down other trucks and vehicles had come to help. I'm not sure how many people there were or what I did during that time. Nina says that the ambulance took around 30 minutes to arrive from Whyalla.

The ambulance officers told her very little, and she was taken to the children's ward where her broken arm was immobilised. It was connected to a hook in the roof all night. At some stage she was advised that Sandy and I would be OK in the long term. She was also told it was OK to ring people in Melbourne. Mum says she just couldn't shut her up. Nina also told Medicos our home addresses, local doctor, allergies and other vital bits and pieces.Thank God she was there, unhurt (relatively) and able to function.

We were sent to Adelaide by the Flying Doctor the next morning and she came too. She got very sick though. Eventually, she was released to Mum's at the Children's Hospital; it must have been on the 29th of December 2004. Unfortunately for her in some ways, she remembers everything. Fortunately for her, there was no brain trauma.

I remember the point up to the accident. I remember turning the wheel left, right, and centre, while pushing the brakes. Nothing made a difference. The car in front got further away. I remember losing the steering of the car and Sandy saying something like "Uh Oh the steering" and me not answering because I was concentrating so hard. Nina says she kind of shut her eyes from here, though she knew when the car had somersaulted 4 times. I couldn't say thing because I had no energy at all besides what I needed for the car. I remember not remembering anything except the steering. I thought I said to Nina after the accident "Well I didn't fall asleep at the wheel!" But apparently, I said it in casualty in Whyalla. I had wondered why I said that, maybe it was in the safe driving booklet I got from Port Agusta. The book was supposed to tell you about safe driving in South Australia, but it didn't tell you the wind could grab your front wheels and that you would be helpless then. Other people know about it, but they don't think enough drivers have been affected by it for signs to be posted!

I then woke at Whyalla hospital, I must've lain in the Emergency Department. And they spoke to me, she said she was the Ambulance Officer that had that had rescued me past Iron Knob. She had a lovely face. I remember consciousness returning in the emergency ward, and the wish that it wouldn't because unconsciousness was so delicious.

I asked the Ambulance Officer about Nina, what were her injuries and would she be okay? She told me about Nina's breaks and said that she had helped the Ambulance Officers with vital information. She told me Nina was okay. She then told me about my own injuries, which I don't really remember- something about broken neck, and I would be okay. She then told me about Sandy's injuries, and that they had let the air escape from his lung until it had collapsed. They then filled his lung again. She can said (I thought) that he was being operated on to restore his sight. She also said he had broken his arm and neck in two places. I asked her again whether he woukd be OK, and she said that he would. Once I knew they were all okay, I fell back asleep or unconscious. Then she woke me to tell we are going to Adelaide in the Flying Doctor plane along with Sandy and Nina. At some stage, she asked me about allergies, we have none.

It must have been then when Nina demanded to see us. I came out to see her in a wheelchair after hearing her voice and demanding to see her. My right side was swollen Apparently I said, I loved her and I was sorry. I also told her I was too too swollen on my right side to hug her, so I hugged her on my left side. She was not allowed to see Sandy. That must've have been when I said the stuff about falling asleep at the wheel. Afterwards we flew to Adelaide at some stage because I remember Sandy being slid on a stretcher next to me in the hospital and being shown him.

The next thing I remember was waiting up in the spinal unit ward at Adelaide public hospital with curtains around me.

And this is basically the summary of our current medical condition, including various levels of consciousness, we have endured. I can smell cigarette smoke around the garden (in Ivanhoe, Melbourne) which absolutely stinks and makes me feel like vomiting. Maybe I'll go in and shave my legs!

Car Crash

This is about the crash we had during late last year between Christmas and New Years Eve. I feel such a mess right now that maybe writing about it will help.

My right shoulder and arm hurts like hell right now. It always hurts, just sometimes it hurts more. Yesterday Whyalla hospital wrote and asked me to return the X-Rays they took on the 27th so they could write comments. I wanted to scream. If they had written comments in the first place, my arm would have been diagnosed and fixed quickly instead being so sore all the time.

I'm going to start this blogg by typing in my diary from a few weeks ago and then probably intersperse it with real life. The Diary will be headed diary.