Nina broke her foot!

Well after Tae Kwon Doe last Thursday, Nina was madly practicing for her next belt and saved herself from falling, but broke her foot. She was feeling very sad and sorry for herself on Thursday night. On Friday, I took the day off and we saw Doctors and got X-rays and stuff. She'll be on crutches for 4 weeks and is wearing a plaster over the back of her foot right now. We wake 30 minutes early each day to dress and get her to school on time. It's pretty full on.

As for my fainting the other night, no-one really knows what it is and I'm too scared to get into that stretching position again. I haven't fainted since then so that's probably a good omen.

I saw the physio today and it was amazing- after he cracked my spine I could turn my head further on each side and I could describe an arc with my arm- I only moved my shoulder forward a little to do it. It would be wonderful if by working through each issue with the relevant person, that I could do stuff again. I really miss the gym and kayaking and riding my bike. I found out yesterday that there's a club for kayaking in the ocean. I'd love to give them a go and I can't wait to be well enough to use my little kayak again. Its funny because when I think about it, canoeing was a dangerous activity. But it's so much fun that's its unbelievable and I always used to be so confident that I could get out of any sticky situation I got into- anyway, maybe this summer I can kayak again!

I see my orthaepedic surgeon next week and he'll decide whether to operate on my shoulder or not. I think I am going to have to choose between range of movement or endurance. Oh well, I guess I cross that bridge when I come to it.

I'm just like everyone else !

I saw the Neurosurgeon yesterday and he confirmed that the break in my neck is healed and I'm just like everyone else now! I feel so happy about it. I try to behave that way too but I don't always succeed. Its hard to spend 7 or 8 months protecting my neck and then to act as if everything is all OK all of a sudden. I have to remember and force myself to relax.

I cried in the taxi when I was telling Mum and Dad. In fact I was very teary all yesterday. I think it must have been relief because I was always told you can't fall over, you can't knock it and you can't look to the left or right or bend it- its dangerous. I've been adding the subtext to this, which said that if I did the wrong thing I'd die or be a quadriplegic. When I asked, all I was told was that the issue was black and white and that if I tore the nerves there would be no warning, I'd be quadriplegic or dead. I cried and cried yestreday and so I went to work to try and limit my tears. I cried again when I told the girls last night. I don't think I have ever been so wound up about anything like this for so long before. The relief is enormous. *laugh* I'm teary even while I write this. Hey guess what? I'm just like you, just like everyone else again! Well almost...

No more broken neck (I think)

Well last week I fainted. I have no idea why. I was sitting in front of the fireplace and stretched up to straighten a picture. I had to stretch pretty far, but still... The world became little fish eye that got smaller and smaller. I tried to grab a door handle and save myself but I couldn't reach it. The next thing I knew I woke on the floor and my head and arm hurt. I apparently hit a table on the way down. I have bruises all down my arm and the right side of my spine. I have a nasty lump on the back of my skull too. It really hurt. I gingerly tested out my body and got up with some help from Nina and Sandy. I went straight to bed then. I knew I should go to Casualty but all they would do is make me lay flat for the 5 or 6 hours it takes before they see you, then they would have sent me for a catscan or x-ray and then told me to see my GP the next day. My GP was irritated I didn't do it though because them we'd have the x-ray. Also, I have no idea why I fainted and was no use that way. Maybe I got up too quickly? My blood pressure is always low-ish and that couldn't have helped.

Anyway, the GP said if my neck was hurt, the experiments I was doing would have turned me into a quadriplegic... *shrug* I don't know... but I would never do anything that hurt or left me numb or anything. He rang the Nuerosurgeon and they checked my catscan from last week and GUESS WHAT? My broken neck has HEALED! I'm not allowed to act on this until I see the Neurosurgeon this week but it seems the break is gone woohoo!!!!

I have a permanent tilt to the bone of 5 mm and a curvature of the spine (which you isn't evident yet). I may suffer pain and arthritis in the bone and there's other bits an pieces, but it's so good to be on the mend.

I laughed at myself when I realised a very small part of me was missing the attention of having a broken neck. For heavens sake, the attention I get as a woman and person is much better than that. But I wouldn't be honest if I didn't acknowledge it. I told the Doctor he had made me so happy I could skip home *laugh* and he begged me not to it, just in case I fell again.

Sheesh in a month I have fainted, set myself on fire (dressing gown, Sandy noticed), and nearly needed stitches because I locked the toilet door at the movies on my finger. I've hit my shoulder so many times too- I'm just like a cat with cut whiskers that doesn't know her own dimensions any more. I think I need to plan stuff a bit more, I'm just not as fast to move as I used to be and so I can't rely on my body to get me out of messes, just my brain. I have to plan stuff before I move I think.

My arm was pretty damaged during the fall too, but we'll just wait and see I guess. I see the Neuro Wednesday and then I make an appointment to see the Orthaepedic Surgeon afterwards, so I guess I'll find out what is happening then. I was a bit stiff and stuff when the Physio checked it out. Shrink now, gotta go.

More of the same

Yesterday I had another catscan. I see the specialist the week after next. Actually, I realised I have only 1 neurosurgeon- the guy working on my neck stuff. The other specialist is an orthopaedic surgeon- the guy for my arm and shoulder. I wonder whether it's just to check how I am going? I never think of asking questions when I am at the doctors, only afterwards. Once I see the neurosurgeon then I see the orthopaedic guy. I'm going to ask the orthopaedic guy if I can continue physio rather than have surgery on my shoulder as all he has ever claimed is that an operation would reduce my pain. I don't want an operation unless I have to have it.

I've just gotten back from the physio. He is really quite encouraging. He said even he didn't believe my arm would respond to his treatment quite the way it has. After he has massaged me, my arm hurts for a day or two. Its funny, no-one ever thinks of a massage hurting but its stuff using his elbow to massage my shoulder muscles. I'm glad he is pleased now.

Also, I got a solicitor last week. I really didn't want to, but the insurers are sending me paperwork that I not only don't understand but also have ramifications far beyond the letters they send me and stuff. I need to know what I am getting involved in.

I started working on my bicep this week too, just lifting 2.3 kg in ways that don't hurt me. I might try including a little work on my triceps too. I told the physio and he said that so long as I wasn't hurting myself, that hefting a few weights to build muscle tone was OK. I'm glad because I have always been wirey and I like me that way.

I unloaded a lot of stuff on the shrink last week. All he has said is that some of these things are holding back a complete recovery and I need to put them away so I can move on. He's come up with a couple of decent ideas, so I might just do as I'm told.

Every week I think about information for my blog

Each week I think about what I should put in this journal. Erm.... I've been swimming and stuff, but I was sick last week and didn't go to Physio. A mild virus on top of my usual stuff meant that I constantly felt as if my head has been battered by a cricket bat. It only lasted a few days, so that's OK I guess.

I found out from Nina and Mum some of the details of Sandy's trip to intensive care and the fact that I was pretty drugged up for the first 5 days. They said I was flying. All I remember are flashes of memory from the days, but they all seem to be on the same day. Its the same day Sandy was put into my ward and I had my catheter removed. There was such a hubbub about me not emptying my bladder after its removal that I was weighed before and after each visit to the potty thingo. They were just about to put the catheter back in, when I emptied my bladder finally. As for Sandy, only one person was allowed in at a time and I was amazed to hear about tubes in his nostrils and the fact that his eye was purple and swollen out past his nose. It msut have been his pierced lung they were worried about. I never saw him like that because I was drugged too. If things had gone wrong I would have been really angry that I was kept from him. As things have worked out I can accept it. I know they made the right decisions, but feelings aren't about logical decisions... they just are...

Our insurers rang me- they are putting a few thousand dollars in my bank account for my injuries. The money is for permanent disability, you have to be more than 10% to get a cent. They said mine did not prejudice any future settlements for disability but they were sending the cash because reports from my Neurosurgeons (neck and shoulder) showed my condition was not settling. They asked whether I had any questions and the truth is I did not- I was just gobsmacked by their message. I asked if they would send any mail about it and whether I could ask questions after I got a letter and they said yes, which was great. I don't know what questions to ask really. They said they send a copy to my solicitor but I don't really have one. I did talk to a nice girl, but we were going to follow up later. I did though, give her permission to get doctors reports and stuff, so maybe she has a copy too? When I get the letter, I'll send her a copy and find out what it all means. Does this mean that health-wise I'm still unstable? What proportion of the settlement goes to the taxation department? What proportion of the settlement goes to the lawyer (if I have one)? I want to get well and I thought I was and this money just confuses the hell out of me. I suppose its just another question for the shrink this week.

Physio goes up to twice a week from now on *ouch*

The swimming was great though. I can float and tread water and stuff for ages. I can't swim any further though. I have just realised that I have muscle problems to cope with as well as muscle/ligament and bone stuff. So long as I keep on improving though, I won't complain, except in here. This is the only place I complain- its the only place I feel I can allow myself the indulgence of complaint. Sometimes, you have to be hard on yourself regardless of one's emotions and this is one of those times.

I still haven't made any of the appointments I talked about last week. Hopefully I'll get around to them this week.

Each week I cannot think of what I plan to write and yet each week I come up with something. I suppose people don't think much happens in their week to week and while that's true, weekly experience just builds up into a life. It's becoming my usual Monday lunch pastime.