Graduation

Well I have finally graduated from Speech Therapy. The process is fairly interesting because although we talked, we did nothing on my list of goal and the therapist applied pressure so I would say I'd achieved things on surveys. She also pointed out that I have exceeded her capacity to help and now I will need to join regular community groups to reskill myself.

I feel more centred anyhow and thats the main thing.

Group speech therapy cancelled

My Speech Therapist was sick so Rehab cancelled my group therapy. I wonder what it will be like?

This week my rehab homework is to spend 1 purposeless hour. I spent an hour watching 2 old Red Dwarf episodes yesterday- I hope that's enough. Plus I made my Dad a creme caramel for his birthday just because I want to. *shrug*

Group Speech Therapy

Hmmm group speech therapy will be the next stage of rehab. Apparently the group are all tertiary students and management from various organisations. Apparently, we work on strategies together and share our thoughts. It sounds very like shrink sessions I see on sit coms from US TV. But I'll give it a go, who knows, I may learn something and in any case, its nice knowing that I am not the only one who has had her life turned upside down.

Rotten week last week, because Sandy did something a bit silly and it jeopardised our life savings. It was the bank's fault, not his. He simply isn't as skeptical as he used to be. We had 3 or 4 rotten nights- I couldn't eat or sleep. It was hard to hold his hand and explain how angry I was at the bank. He first thought I was angry at him. Truth is, I was just angry, period (and I had a right to be). Its all fixed now though.

My neuro suggested that because I feel I cannot control my body or brain any more, that maybe I try and control everything else instead. Of course, her comment wasn't based on last week's experience with the bank, but was based on my interaction with Sandy during that whole thing and the not eating, not sleeping stuff plus other things I have told her. I don't know really.

One thing I do know is that I am a very suspicious human being. I have noticed that when various therapists give you analytical surveys/tests, which are about your feelings, they bully you into choosing a reduced level of whatever. I think its so they can go to your insurer and say "See? I am a good therapist. Look what I achieved with this patient". Also, they keep on providing examples about how "normal" people do things. I don't care about "normal" peoples' levels, I only care about mine. I want to be me when I heal, not some therapists idea of "normal". Everyone seems quite pleasant, and says I am assertive. Maybe I am assertive, or even aggressive, but I want to know what they use about me in correspondence with my insurer. I can't help that thought running through the back of my mind when I speak to various doctors and therapists.

Have to see a Neurologist about my headaches. It will be nice if she can fix them. I don't hold out much hope though. *shrug*

Tiring

I find rehab very tiring. I think the sessions are quite dense. One thing I noticed this week was that I still want to deny the accident had any impact on my life at all. I do anyhting I can to emotionally avoid dealing with what has happened. I suppose I still am trying to avoid it because, while I acknowledge and implement props and strategies, I only think about them in terms of getting by and stress. *shrug*