One way to realise you are helpless...

Well last night and today have really driven home how helpless we are... I think its also driven home how lucky we are in terms of the people around us too. Nina fell from a tree yesterday evening and thought she may have hurt her broken arm. We didnt know what to do and it was swollen, so we suggested she wait until morning and check it out again then. We were kind of scared because Sandy needed a blood test first thing in the morning and we were expecting our weekly home help then too. I was supposed to be having meeting for my dissertation. We both understood that she must come first, but it all seems so hard. We hoped it would all be gone in the morning.

At 7 this morning I looked at it again. No matter how often I looked I knew she needed to see the Doctor. I phoned my parents and they told me not to worry, they would help, which was what I hoped to hear. I was really grateful they said that though and that they were so reassuring. At 8 I called the doctor. Chris said he would take us there, which was lovely because it would make him late for work. By 8.30 we had a referral for an x-ray and Sandy was back at home. Chris dropped Nina home with Sandy while I went to work and grabbed what was needed to work from home. Chris then drove me home, Nina and Sandy walked to her x-ray while I waited for our home help. Once she had been x-rayed, they took it to the doctor who referred her to a specialist after plastering it. They dont know if it's broken again or not.

I found her x-rays and called Mum and Dad. They will collect us this afternoon for her meeting with the psychologist and then Chris will collect us on his way home from work. Dad will grab me from Monash tomorrow and take Nina, me and Mum to the specialist at 4.45 pm (eeww peak hour). My parents are so good to us. They always tell us not to worry and that they will take care of things. We are so very lucky to have them.

We get there... we know we do... but it costs. No study for Sandy today, no study for me. I wonder what it will all mean and I know he does too. The main thing is that Nina will get well and that people love us enough to help us and thats what I need to focus on...

I hope the psychologist can help. I will see him next week. I know I feel like crying we are so helpless. The smallest thing is so impossible for us. I imagine Sandy feels the same. We have to remember to be easy on each other... we are all in this together... but at least we are together.

Neck brace for another month

Well I hoped my neck brace would be removed and I was scared of the loss of control too. Although the doctor says I'm healing well, it is back to the brace for another month or so. I will have an op on my arm about a week afterwards.

Also, they have found a new bone problem with my elbow.... it seems it was also damaged in the accident, not simply my wrist and shoulder.... it will be looked at after my shoulder has been operated on sigh..

I have started to see a psych too.. I find the self-seeking he wants me to do quite hard.. I don't *get* it, but I will keep on trying. At least with him I get mad at someone I can't hurt.

It's Easter now and I am very glad of the holidays. Work is harder than ever, as is home life and I am really really tired.. no more 13 hour work days for a week..... Yaaaaaaay!

An operation

Its strange to feel scared of an operation on my shoulder but I am. The Doc has never experenced 100% success in my op and can't even guarantee my level of movement. It may be better or it may be worse. He is confident of alleviating my pain and that he won't break my spine. He can't do the op until my neck brace is off, so my neck will still be very vulnerabe. Also, because I couldn't fix my shoulder until my neck brace is off, the frozen shoulder has set. It will take more than a year to fix up, if it can be fixed at all. As for my wrist, I have clearly damaged it and will need to work on it in time.

He has never had a 100% success with this op, but he has never operated on anyone so young he said.

I have to have a general anaesthetic, which I hate because one is so vulnerable. At least I dont smoke any more...... the recuperation is 4-6 weeks, with 4 days in hospital. I may be in a sling for the entire recuperation.

I am really scared of it all. I am mostly scared they will turn me into a paraplegic, or kill me, by breaking my neck while I am under anaesthetic... I keep on thinking about things and can't turn them off... sigh...

I can't continue my research until this is done either . I just want to cry and cry, but I smile and be brave. At least I get nice feedback from my family and friends and Buffalo (who I am so grateful for :)) I do feel loved, just powerless and hurt.

Me in Ivanhoe, taken by Nina's mobile phone 

Sandy in Ivanhoe  

New pics/ newly diagnosed shoulder injury

As I get new pictures of us in Adeliade or Ivanhoe I will send them to Blogger. Some are in a proprietary DVD film format and others are in a propietary mobile phone format. We tried to send them to phone that doesn't pick up photos so we could download them from a web page but that didn't work. I'll have to play with Sandy's computer to sort them out, but he is doing homework right now.

I have been diagnosed with a torn shoulder ligament among other things. They can't fix anything up until my neck is healed. I am as grumpy as hell and feel like I will be a mess and in pain for ages yet. I just feel like crying at the thought of 2 months passing and absolutely no progress at all. The only thing is to be grateful for is that maybe I will get better in time I guess. Plus sandy and nina are getting much better. He looks like his old self since his number 2 haircut yesterday :)

A blurred photo of me in the Adelaide spinal unit (Taken from a Clie movie file) 

Dairy Chapter 7

At Ivanhoe they left us wads of papers to sign- mainly since I was to give consent. They also left us with a few days of menus to complete. Because Sandy couldn’t think clearly or see properly I filled in his menus. They were daft, full of typos, repetitions and formatting errors.

We put our teensy bit of luggage away.

Afterwards I began to complain to Sandy about everything and he to me to snap out of it, which was kinda useful.

We asked the Chief of Nurses when we could get out, but of course, she could not answer because apparently our Adelaide assessments meant nothing and we hadn’t been assessed by their therapists yet.

We felt like we less than adults and trapped. To make matters worse, no-one had sorted out our meal order so we were served whatever was available that night- soggy sandwiches.

All around us there were people making noises. The refrain consisted of “Nurse, Nurse, Nurse...” repetitively in a dull monotone; folk songs sung in Italian from sun up to after midnight, people who screamed in fear when the sun came up or lights were turned on to other people who screamed when the sun went down or the lights went off. It was non stop- all the time. This was enhanced by people who crept around your room while you slept and another woman who crept in while we apparently slept and then spat in our bin before leaving.

We alternatively complained and cheered each other up. When Mum and Dad and Nina came we unburdened ourselves to them. But although loud and dilapidated, what else could we expect? I suppose we had to be assessed somehow. And unlike Adelaide, medical staff only worked on a Monday and Thursday. After abandoning ourselves to our family we felt strong enough to cope.

Some staff were caring, while others said we only noticed stuff cos we were cognisant. Does that mean that if you aren’t mentally aware it’s Ok to use dirty bathroom and be surrounded by tobacco smoke and noise?

The only decent thing was daily physiotherapy; otherwise, for 10 days they fed me and ignored me. Even when they released me, they told me nothing about what I should do or when, who to see etc. I knew nothing about where to go from this point.

By the weekend we decided we just had to endure it. The main pain was our shared bathroom with the occupants next door. Rivers of urine ran along the floor all the time and we soon got used to using the main public toilets instead of ours. At night I used to get the nurses to clean the room first since I spent most nights awake while Sandy slept. I was always awake and so were our vocal colleagues. Ear plugs, TV and Panadeine took care of the worst of them.

Slowly Sandy was getting better. We didn't know it yet, but I certainly was not and Ivanhoe helped not a bit.

I was released on 23 January 2005 and Sandy was released on the 28 January 2005.

Holidays bah!

I rang my arm doctor this arvo as I was supposed to do in order to see what happens next. My arm hurts every day and night, all the time, when I am asleep or awake. I was glad because he X-rayed my wrist (which is swollen and possibly broken) and then took a catscan of my shoulder. The flaming hospital still hadn't sent him copies of the catscan regardless of the fact that they took it mid last week and said that they would.

What is more, he is on holiday until the end of the week. I was so sure I would know what was happening with my arm today. I really wish the Doctor had told me he was on annual leave. I'm tired of being disappointed when I look forward to things like feeling a bit more normal. Sheesh!!!